I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!