Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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