you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
