just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon