Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.