Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
