It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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