Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
