i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
