chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
