So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
