I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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