I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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