Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
