Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize