walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
