So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
In America we eat man semen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
