i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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