North Korea, Best Korea!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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