a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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