she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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