well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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