The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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