nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
