Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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