he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
