I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
