Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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