Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize