Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
