Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
