How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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