um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
