And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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