every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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