I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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