i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
