You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
