You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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