you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
