I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
