He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
