In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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