trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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