i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
