weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
