I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
