ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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