I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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