My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
