It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
