Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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