how can u be prego again
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
