Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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