she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
