Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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