Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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