still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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