So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Alive.
So much puke
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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