I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
