She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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