My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist