Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.