you would pick up someone in the library
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream