My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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