I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag