Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night