The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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