as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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