I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize