dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.