Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
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Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?