Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.