if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea