Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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