it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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