This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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