So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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