He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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